


Lighting the Dark

by NamelesslyNightlock



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, Crying, Deal with Death, Everyone Needs A Hug, Falling In Love, Feels, For Loki and Tony, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, M/M, Non-Graphic Smut, POV James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Pain, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Processing Grief Through Sex, Resurrection, Reunions, Sacrifice, Sad Ending, Self-Sacrifice, Temporary Character Death, Tony Stark Lives, Tragedy, Unrequited Love, for rhodey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:27:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27071200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NamelesslyNightlock/pseuds/NamelesslyNightlock
Summary: People process grief in different ways. When Tony dies, Rhodey and Loki turn to each other, but neither of them are able to be happy. So, Jim hatches a plan– a plan that might just be able to bring Tony back.
Relationships: James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, Loki/James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Loki/Tony Stark
Comments: 30
Kudos: 85





	Lighting the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this ages ago, not too long after Endgame first came out actually. I've been putting off posting because tagging it always seemed like such a daunting task. But, today I woke up salty, and had the motivation—so here it is, after sitting in my completed folder for almost a year and a half. Enjoy!

The first time they kissed was on the one-year anniversary of Tony’s death.

They were both blind drunk, both wallowing in their grief. To be honest, Jim couldn’t even remember who it was that started it– all he knew was that they were trading stories that grew too painful to bear, and then searching for some way to _forget_ they fell together in a mess of sloppy mouths and a desperation that had them tearing at clothes moments later.

That night was the first time since Tony had passed that Jim felt something other than emptiness, something other than the crushing knowledge that he had _centuries_ of loneliness ahead of him. The feel of Loki’s body against his own made him feel _alive_ , and the sound of Loki’s moans spurred him on and pushed him further, making him yearn to pull as many sounds from Loki’s swollen lips as he could. It was something to focus on at least– and even though Loki came with a cry of a name that was not his own, it gave Jim a sense of satisfaction and a reassurance that there _was_ still something else out there that was… well, worth carrying on for.

The next morning, Loki had treated Jim with a coldness that only warmed when he realised that Jim would not treat _him_ any differently– and then a month later, it happened again. Jim had been on his way to bed when Loki appeared out of nowhere, pushed Jim up against the wall and assaulted his mouth, his hands in Jim’s pants and stroking his cock to hardness in what felt like no time at all.

Jim was already half lost to pleasure by the time Loki pulled back.

“If you want me to stop, Rhodes, speak now.” His words were a little slurred and Jim had tasted the alcohol on his tongue, but Jim could see the seriousness in his eyes, and he knew that Loki was not about to make him do anything he did not want to.

But there was also something wild hiding in that dull green which was no longer as bright as it once had been– not quite regret, perhaps, but something darker which ached of needs better not spoken of. And it was that, more than anything, which had Jim only pressing forward, kissing Loki hard and harsh and unrelenting.

And thus, they came to have something of an unspoken agreement. They would come together in a mess of skin and sweat and panting moans, fucking each other until they were too exhausted to feel anything at all.

Loki, at least, was always drunk in the beginning. He would come to Jim’s bed in the middle of the night, his tongue tasting of Tony’s favourite brand of whiskey as it plied Jim’s mouth with the kind of violence that suggested a last resort. Jim knew that he was only a warm body, but he let himself fall into it, taking Loki’s pleasure and chasing his own for as long as their little arrangement would last.

To be honest, Jim really didn’t expect that it _would_ last long, but… Loki just kept coming. Jim guessed it was something similar to the reason why he did it, that Loki only wanted to _feel_ again. Because surely something, _anything_ , after all, was better than the emptiness Jim suspected flooded Loki during every waking hour.

And the sex was _always_ violent and harsh and rushed and never with any of the affection Jim had seen Loki bestow upon Tony in the past. But it was still _good_ , and slowly Jim came to ache for it, to crave those moments he would spend in Loki’s arms.

At first, he thought it was just an escape.

He didn’t mean to fall in love.

It was one night, perhaps three years since Tony was gone when Loki crawled in beside Jim and kissed him slow, tasting not of whiskey but of salty tears and sorrow. That night, Loki took his time. He splayed Jim open with the kind of care that he had never shown before, and when he pushed inside he moved with gentle thrusts that were accompanied by soft whimpers.

Loki cried afterward, and although he never said a word, Jim knew who it was that he cried for.

Jim merely held him, stroking his hair in a gesture that usually was not allowed, feeling a pain in his heart that… for once, wasn’t pain for Tony at all. He was hurting for this incredible man he held in his arms, _hurting_ for the pain _Loki_ felt and wishing that that he could do something to help make it go away.

And it was then that Jim realised that he would do anything, anything at all, if it meant that he could see Loki smile _properly_ again.

He told himself that he wasn’t doing anything wrong by it, of course– because Tony was dead, had been dead for far longer than most would consider necessary for a person to be able to move on with a clear conscience.

Except… Loki still wore the silver ring on his finger that Tony had given him– he had never taken it off since Tony had placed it there, his smile soft as he whispered promises of forever which would never be upheld. Jim had stood beside Tony that day, tall and proud as Tony’s best man– and Jim had accepted the golden apple that Loki had offered him. It was a gift not for Jim, but for Tony– so that Tony would have a friend with him as well as Loki for the long years ahead, so that Tony would never have to feel guilty about leaving his Rhodey behind.

But then Tony had gone and sacrificed himself during the final battle with Thanos, and he had left both Rhodey _and_ Loki alone.

And even though Jim began to yearn for Loki’s touch, though he spent those nights in Loki’s arms in a delicious haze of pleasure, he knew with all that he was that his feelings would never be returned. Because in every way that _mattered…_ Loki’s heart had already been given away. Loki’s love always had and always _would_ belong to Tony, to the ghost of a man who hovered over them both and brought them together in their shared loss, in the knowledge that they would both have only each other now for a very long time to come.

But the knowing didn’t mean that Jim knew how to stop, and with every passing day, every month, every _year_ , he only came to care for Loki all the more.

Jim wished that he could see Loki smile again– real and _proper_ , like he used to smile at Tony. It had been a very long time, but Jim could remember the way that it used to light up Loki’s green eyes, the way that his expression used to twist with a glint of pure mischief. He wished that it was _his_ name that Loki would whisper in his sleep, that would curl at the edges of Loki’s lips in a near smile before he woke and realised that his happiness had only been a dream. He wished that he could wipe away Loki’s misery, smooth away the frowns, calm him properly when he cried out that name on the all too often days when his dreams turned to nightmares.

 _Anthony_.

Every time he heard that name fall from Loki’s lips, it twisted in his chest as deep and painful as a jagged blade.

He ached for his friend, who had been torn from the world too soon.

He ached for his love, who had violently lost his heart.

He ached for himself, knowing that he would never be happy– because his friend, his _brother_ was dead, and he’d had the poor luck to fall in love with the man’s mourning husband.

It seemed like he was stuck in a bleak situation, and that nothing would change for as long as they lived– which would be a terribly long time.

But, Jim was not the sort of man to give up. He lived years of the misery, of taking what little solace from Loki’s body he could during the night and then suffering his silent regret come morning. He ached and he _hurt_ from the pain of having what he wanted always just out of reach. He yearned for more, though not only for himself– but for the broken man who slowly became his everything.

He remembered the way that Tony would work on a problem, day in and day out until he had solved it far quicker than anyone else could.

And while Jim was no Tony Stark, he was no fool either– and he had an unlimited amount of time.

And during the nights when he held Loki in his arms, regardless of whether the sex had been the more frequent violence or the rare, gentle tears, he would breath in Loki’s scent, ground himself, and _think_.

In the end, it took him fifteen years.

Fifteen years of plotting, of taking care not really needed to keep away from Loki’s attention during the day, to searching and bargaining and finding favours with prices that were incredibly steep– but for what Jim wanted, no price was too high to pay.

Because yes, to a person who had lived for over a millennium, fifteen years should have been nothing– but they had taken their toll on Loki. He still loved his Anthony as fiercely as ever, missed him more with every passing day– and yet Jim knew that for Loki, it also felt like it had been an age. A second and a century, a minute and a thousand years, all packed into a single moment between losing Tony and… getting him back.

The deal was simple, you see– a soul for a soul was all that was required. And while Loki still loved Tony as much as he had on the day that Tony died, Jim loved them both so much that he knew he would be willing to sacrifice anything for their happiness.

It was fifteen years of not quite enough, and on the day his bargain was struck, Jim felt the relief of reaching the end even as he felt his very being begin to crack– and yet, he knew that he had made the right decision.

Because, when it came down to it? The choice was the simplest that Jim had ever made.

Loki didn’t argue when Jim brought them to the edge of the universe– he rarely did at all, anymore. His expression was blank and emotionless, and he barely even flinched when Lady Death appeared before them. He just arched a brow, and glanced to Jim with a silent question.

“There’s someone here to see you,” Jim said, his voice gentle as he gestured for Loki to look again. And Loki still looked bored, but he obliged– and then his eyes widened as he saw the figure stepping out of the shadows.

_“Anthony?”_

Loki raced forward at the same moment that Tony ran into his arms, and Loki kissed him with a passion that Jim had never experienced himself. They only broke apart when Tony gasped for air – evidence itself that he was breathing, _alive_ – and then Loki held Tony’s face between his hands as if he were the most precious thing in the world. He stared for a moment before leaning back in, kissing Tony’s forehead, his temple, his nose, then back to his lips. Tony was doing the same, both of their cheeks wet with tears as they whispered words that Jim could not hear. And to be honest, he did not think he wanted to.

They slid down to the ground with their arms around each other, and by the time they came to realise that they were not alone, Jim was already feeling unnaturally cold.

“Thank you, Rhodes,” Loki said, those bright, _bright_ green eyes shining with tears of happiness as he looked to Jim with gratitude. “I don’t know how I will ever _thank you_ for—”

“There’s no need,” Jim said. He could see in Loki’s expression that the god _knew_ what Jim had done. But he could also see in the way that he clutched Tony to his chest that Loki’s decision had long since been made, and there would be nothing Jim could do to change it.

Jim’s heart was breaking, but Loki was _smiling_ , and Tony was curling into Loki’s arms as if he had never left them.

He could feel Lady Death beckoning him, and he knew he had to go. He hadn’t given a proper goodbye, but… he felt that he didn’t need to. Loki would explain, and Tony would understand– and as long as the two of them were together, Jim knew they would be all right.

As he was led into the darkness, Jim’s last sight of the land of the living was his best friend and the man who unknowingly held his heart coming together in a sweet embrace. And as he faded into death’s clutches, he knew that given the choice again – despite the pain in his bones and the torment in his heart – he would not have changed a thing.

Because they were both happy, and… well.

For _their_ happiness, Jim was willing to sacrifice everything– even if it meant losing any chance at his own.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is completed, no need to ask for a sequel.


End file.
